BY PRIYANKA ARIBINDI, BRIAN BEUTLER 

& CROOKED MEDIA

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

—Kellyanne Conway projecting onto CNN’s Jim Acosta

OVAL OFFICE ABSCESS

Our short national nightmare just got longer and even more stupid.

On Tuesday night, President Trump used an Oval Office address to justify his decision to shut down eight cabinet departments until Congress funds a wall along the southern border, by fabricating a national security crisis and recycling some of his ugliest, most racist anti-immigrant smears.

As anticipated, he told a metric fuckton of lies.

Over the course of eight minutes, Trump:

• Again blamed Democrats for his decision to hold the national government hostage until Congress pays for an unpopular border wall that he promised Mexico would pay for. “The federal government remains shut down for one reason and one reason only: because Democrats will not fund border security.” Remember when the networks declined President Obama’s request to air his immigration address because they deemed the idea too partisan? Nah, neither do we.

• Falsely claimed that Democrats have requested that the southern border wall be a steel rather than concrete barrier. (Democrats oppose the wall, full stop.)

• Dishonestly claimed that a border wall would pay for itself.  

• Rattled off a list of violent crimes committed by immigrants, as part of his ongoing blood libel of Mexicans and Central Americans living in the U.S., which began when he called immigrants rapists and murderers when he announced his presidential candidacy.

The only redeeming thing about the speech was that Trump didn’t completely jump the shark by illegally declaring a state of emergency at the border, and ordering the military to build a border wall on seized land. Tonight is truly the night Donald Trump became president.

The big problem for him is that he has already lost the argument and doesn’t seem to realize it or know how to proceed.

In their response to his address, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer remained resolute in their opposition to the wall, and to negotiating border policy with Trump under the cloud of a shutdown. They repeatedly insisted he reopen the government before those discussions begin.

Pelosi rebuked Trump for addressing the country with “misinformation and even malice.” Schumer reminded the country that Trump “just used the backdrop of the Oval Office to manufacture a crisis, stoke fear, and divert attention from the turmoil in his administration.” All true!

The bottom line is that the stalemate will apparently continue until Republicans force Trump to cave. House Democrats will soon pass individual bills to fund seven of the eight government departments Trump has shuttered. Up to two dozen House Republicans are expected cross the aisle to join them as the shutdown’s consequences continue to mount, and Republicans grow more and more desperate for Trump to cry uncle.

YO COLLUSION

President Trump’s campaign chairman Paul Manafort shared internal polling data with a suspected Russian spy in 2016. We weren’t supposed to know this but Manafort’s brilliant legal team accidentally disclosed that fact in an improperly redacted court filing. Oops! This revelation suggests that the Trump campaign may have colluded with Russian intelligence by providing its trolls and hackers with the granular data they’d need to aim propaganda at voters in closely-contested districts and precincts.  

Also in “bad day for colluders” news, the Supreme Court has refused to allow an unidentified foreign company to defy a special counsel subpoena.

Florida has expanded voting rights to 1.4 million people with past felony convictions in accordance with Amendment 4, the ballot initiative that Florida voters adopted overwhelmingly in November. Florida was previously one of only three states to permanently disenfranchise former prisoners. This is great news!

Hey Florida voters, register to vote online →

U.S. carbon emissions increased by 3.4 percent in 2018—the largest uptick in eight years, even as Trump’s lax regulations have failed to revive the U.S. coal industry. Maybe Anderson Cooper should ask for a do over on this one.

The Trump administration has directed the IRS to issue tax refunds during the shutdown if it continues into tax season, which would probably be illegal and may land Trump in court (again).

Financial institutions and insurers have moved more than $1 trillion in assets from the U.K. to the European Union ahead of Brexit, in anticipation of increased uncertainty and regulatory changes.

The World Bank president will resign on February 1, three years before the end of his term. His departure sets up a possible dispute between the U.S. and other countries over who will select the organization’s new leader.

R. Kelly is reportedly under criminal investigation in Georgia and Illinois as a “direct result” of the Surviving R. Kelly docuseries detailing his sexual abuse of underage women.

Mick Mulvaney—formerly a corrupt lawmaker, and currently the acting White House chief of staff and the head of the Office of Management and Budget—has apparently been eyeing a third, entirely unrelated job: president of the University of South Carolina. Under his brand of leadership, professors would be allowed to accept bribes from failing students, and he would shut down the school whenever it wasn’t sufficiently racist, which is frankly ambitious compared to the Trump University model.

New York City’s Democratic Mayor Bill de Blasio has debuted NYC Care, a new plan to provide health care to all residents of the city, regardless of their ability to pay or their immigration status. The plan guarantees health care for 600,000 uninsured NYC residents, and will include primary, specialty, maternity, pediatric, and mental health care. Though the program will cost $100 million annually, de Blasio argues that providing care early will save the city money in the long run. The program will take effect, starting in the Bronx, this summer.

Trump’s not the only world leader going live in prime-time. Yesterday, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu used a live address, promoted as a “dramatic announcement,” to dismiss the latest barrage of corruption allegations against him, and say it would be “unjust” for him to be indicted without being offered a chance to respond. Three corruption investigations have prompted police to recommend Netanyahu be indicted for a number of crimes, but Netanyahu’s own attorney general will decide whether he will be prosecuted. Anyone know the Hebrew for “Matt Whitaker”?

Turkish President Recep Erdogan has rebuffed U.S. national security adviser John Bolton’s demand that Turkey guarantee the safety of Kurdish fighters, after Trump put them in the firing line by announcing he would abruptly withdraw U.S. troops from the war-torn country within 30 days.

T-Mobile, Sprint, and AT&T are selling access to their customers’ real-time location data, allowing most phones in the country to be tracked without any hacking and certainly without your authorization.

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